Why There’s no Room for Normal in Your Life

One question I get asked a lot by clients is: “Am I normal?”

Who doesn’t, consciously or subconsciously, consider this question sometimes? If you’re like me and have been dealing with social anxiety for a good chunk of your life, it’s likely this is something you’ve obsessed over a lot.

Psychological assessments and diagnostic manuals aside, the word normal is flat out one of the most dangerous words that can be used in the process of personal transformation.

I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I can’t comment with any degree of authority on the correlation between prescribed treatment models and symptom reduction. Yet one thing that I am sure of, is that there is no handbook out there that can match the power of our innate intelligence to direct us to the most optimal outcomes for our lives.

In other words, no book, no online quiz, no expert - no matter how educated and helpful they may be - can paint a reliable picture of who you should strive to be. And if they can’t, your friends, family, and colleagues most certainly can’t.

Whether its bliss or simply peace of mind you’re after, at some point you will need to part ways with whatever roadmaps you’ve acquired. What we most strive for as human beings are the most intangible and ephemeral experiences that life has to offer. Happiness belongs to an invisible world that can’t be put into words, let alone be scientifically defined.

If you truly want to experience it, at some point you’re going to have to take a leap into the unknown.

When we are physically sick we have to turn to prescribed treatments for resolution. But not even modern medicine is foolproof. In many cases, it’s only because we’ve dulled ourselves to our own innate intelligence that the body needs to resort to physical cues that something is wrong.

When we are open to it, we receive abundant signals that something is no longer working.

And when we pay attention to these cues - some people refer to them as intuition, but they are quite simply your feelings - we may even be able to prevent physical issues from occurring in the first place (check out the emerging literature linking stress and disease if you want an example of what I’m talking about).If you truly value happiness, then you need to reframe your approach. Instead of approaching everyday situations from the mindset of “what’s normal?”, ask yourself, “what’s healthy?” And as you consider the options before you, tune into what’s actually happening for you in the here and now - not what you overheard or were taught would happen if you chose A instead of B.

We are so conditioned to the cult of normal that this may feel like taking a leap across a canyon at first.

But the more you cultivate an attitude of healthfulness, the sturdier you will become. Soon, even the most giant leap will feel like a stroll in the park. And then peace of mind will no longer be conditional on what’s happening in the media, your social circles, or anywhere else in the world. It will simply be your way of life.