Love Island’s Huda and Jeremiah - Relationship Breakdown and Attachment Styles
Who hasn’t been talking about Love Island USA lately? This season has set off some of the most charged conversations online. And no conversation has taken the stage quite as much as the relationship between Huda and Jeremiah. Some audience members notice aspects of this couple that feel a little familiar. Others are just munching popcorn screaming at the screen. Many are doing both.
As a therapist who works with relationship issues, I have thoughts about their relationship dynamics, the online discourse going on around them, and the nature of the show. So, what is going on between these two? Let’s dive deep.
In this article I will break down:
- Huda and Jeremiah’s Relationship Dynamics
- Attachment Styles; what they are and how they relate
- Love Island's Toxic Dynamics
**Spoiler Alert for Love Island USA Season 7, episodes 1 through 15.
Huda and Jeremiah’s Relationship Dynamic
At the beginning of the show, Huda and Jeremiah saw themselves as some reality show variation of fairytale characters. Both swept away by one another, they quickly paired up and, to the annoyance of fellow islanders, closed themselves off to other connections. A keen eye might have noticed some red flags early on.
Only a few days pass before the two start professing their deep devotion to one another, and the moment new women come into the villa, we began to see Huda display possessive behaviours towards Jeremiah, including “marking” him with a hickey, telling the girls that they’re committed to one another (even after they agreed to remain open), and calling the others girls “bitches” and bad people.
As the relationship continues, Jeremiah begins to show clear doubts about the relationship. Huda begins to request more from Jeremiah, insisting he plan activities for her, and talking down to him. We begin to see him slip in comments when they speak, including calling Huda “scary”, requesting she stop talking to him like a child, and shutting down when she approaches him.
Later in the season, in a shocking twist, America votes on which islanders should be coupled, and Jeremiah is recoupled with Iris, a new islander. Huda “crashes out”, berating Jeremiah to others, calling him “a bitch”, and exclaiming that he is not a real man. Jeremiah proceeds to talk to Huda, they “break up” and both begin to pursue other connections.
Huda’s Attachment Style
To fully understand the dynamic between Huda and Jeremiah, we need to take a deep dive into attachment theory. Attachment styles is a therapy term that helps us understand how people form relationships. Attachment styles are based on early childhood experiences, particularly with caregivers.
You can have secure or insecure attachment. Insecure attachment can be broken down into anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment. We can begin to see elements of anxious attachment in Huda’s behaviour, and that’s what we’ll home in on in this article.
What Does Anxious Attachment Look Like?
People with anxious attachment tend to display:
- Constant Need for Reassurance:
- They seek constant validation from a partner about their feelings and the relationship.
- They regularly need affirmation that they are loved and valued, even if their partner has already expressed it.
- Fear of Abandonment:
- They constantly worry about the possibility of being rejected or left, even without any concrete signs.
- They overthink small actions (like a partner not responding quickly to a text) and imagine worst-case scenarios.
- Clinginess and Dependence:
- They feel a strong desire to be close to their partner all the time, sometimes to the point of needing constant physical or emotional closeness.
- They become overly dependent on the partner for emotional regulation.
- Emotional Intensity:
- They experience dramatic extreme highs and lows in the relationship.
- They feel overwhelmed or distraught after minor conflicts or misunderstandings.
- Overanalyzing Relationship Dynamics:
- They read into small gestures or words from their partner, trying to decode hidden meanings or potential signs of rejection.
- They often misinterpret neutral or ambiguous behaviors as negative or signs that the relationship is in danger.
- Jealousy and Possessiveness:
- They feel intense jealousy when their partner shows attention to others or seems to connect with someone else, even if it’s innocent.
- They become possessive or territorial in the relationship, driven by the fear of losing their partner.
- Difficulty with Boundaries:
- They struggle to respect the partner’s need for space or independence, feeling that any distance or time apart means the relationship is in trouble.
- They often push for more intimacy or attention than their partner is comfortable with.
- Insecurity About Self-Worth:
- They tie their sense of self-worth to the approval or affection of their partner.
- They often feel “not good enough” or fear that they don’t measure up to others.
- Difficulty Regulating Emotions During Conflict:
- They become overly emotional or distressed during disagreements, seeing the conflict as a sign that the relationship is failing.
- They react impulsively during arguments, sometimes to the point of over-explaining or demanding an immediate resolution.
- Difficulty Trusting Their Partner:
- They have a hard time fully trusting their partner, even when there is no evidence of betrayal.
- They constantly questioning the stability of the relationship, even in the absence of any concrete issues.
- Hyperawareness of Partner’s Behavior:
- They pay extreme attention to their partner’s mood or behavior, interpreting every little change in tone or action as significant.
- They feel responsible for managing the relationship's emotional atmosphere.
Huda was deeply possessive and hypervigilant of any perceived threats to his or Jeremiah’s relationship. She struggled to understand or respect his emotional needs, often dismissing his requests for space when he was processing significant moments, like his friend leaving the island or other islanders questioning his relationship (when he, himself, stated he did not).
When Jeremiah kissed other women in challenges (something required of the show that she, herself, did too), she became quickly angered and resorted to name calling both towards Jeremiah and the other islanders.
What About Jeremiah’s Attachment Style?
While some interpretations online suggest that Jeremiah might have been avoidantly attached or love bombing Huda; I don’t believe this to be the case.
Jeremiah had trouble communicating his needs immediately, but on more than one occasion, he reached back out to Huda, seemingly after processing his thoughts. Avoidantly attached people do not generally look for moments in which to reconnect, preferring to stonewall their partners.
Love bombing refers to giving a large amount of attention and affection early on in a relationship in order to create a sense of dependence in the other party. While Jeremiah did give a lot of affection to Huda from the beginning, there are few signs he did it with the intent to make her dependent on him. He kept several boundaries clear throughout the relationship, including not wanting to be closed off. He also tried to mend the situation between him and Huda several times throughout the show, displaying empathy and a genuine desire to have a working relationship with her.
Jeremiah’s withdrawal later in the relationship was a response to the lack of space given by Huda, as well as her name calling and possessive behaviour over him.
Anxious Attachment is Not Secure Love
It’s important to note that anxious attachment is not secure love. Huda’s behaviours towards Jeremiah were not signs that she “loves hard”. Anxious attachment comes from an unhealed attachment wound; a feeling that you are inadequate.
Jeremiah, in this case, was tasked with showing Huda that she was “good enough”. A partner, however, will not be able to heal an attachment wound; healing happens when we invest time on ongoing and persistent internal work. Without this work, those with anxious attachment often make partners feel stifled or suffocated, as though none of the partner’s efforts are ever enough. This is because they can’t be enough; it is the person with the anxious attachment that is responsible for working on identifying and healing these patterns.
Through this lens, we understand that Huda’s attachment had less to do with Jeremiah, and more to do with her desperation not to feel abandoned or as though she was not good enough. It did not have to do with true devotion, empathy towards Jeremiah’s needs, or loyalty; it is about feeling chosen.
Love Island Toxic Dynamics
Imagine feeling a deep insecurity about being inadequate, then plopping into an island, to be watched by millions, on a show whose core concept is to explore multiple partners, all at once. You’re expected to watch a person you made a strong connection with be partnered with others, kiss regularly for challenges, and constantly compete for their attention.
Love Island thrives on total relational chaos; conflict, jealousy, possessiveness, and intense emotional highs and lows. For people with anxious attachment, who already feel vulnerable to abandonment and rejection, this is extremely likely to worsen their own fears of not being good enough.
Millions hop on to watch the show because of it’s a window into human psychology under extreme stress. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that, in more heightened ways, mirrors our own real-life relationship dynamics.
It’s crucial to remember, however, that the show capitalizes on the drama and intensity of emotional conflict, but in real life, relationships built on insecurity, possessiveness, and emotional volatility are destructive.
For those with insecure attachment styles, it’s important to seek out healthy relationship models, engage in self-reflection, and work on building secure attachment patterns. This way, we begin to move beyond toxic relationships, and towards connections that are grounded in trust, respect, and emotional safety.
Struggling with Insecure Attachment?
Let KMA Therapy help.
With 5 locations throughout Toronto, and an option to do therapy online, our attachment-based therapists can support you in creating healthier, more secure relationships. Whether you’re dealing with anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment, we’re here to help you on your journey.
Book a free 15-minute call today and speak with a therapist as soon as this week.
Want to keep learning about attachment styles? Check out one of our articles below:
What’s Your Attachment Style - and How Can It Affect Your Relationships
Attachment Styles Are Trending - But Do You Really Know Yours?
