When Life Feels Too Heavy: 10 DBT Distress Tolerance Skills to Help You Get Through the Tough Moments
Ever had one of those days where everything just seems to pile up? 😖 Maybe it's an argument with a friend, an overwhelming work deadline, or a tough family situation. You feel like you're about to snap, and all you want to do is retreat or react impulsively. 😤 It’s in these moments that DBT distress tolerance skills can truly change the game. But what does that even mean?
Think about the last time you felt completely overwhelmed. Did you try to ignore your feelings? Did you lash out at someone? Maybe you did something you later regretted, or maybe you just felt stuck in your emotions with no way out. DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) distress tolerance skills are designed to help you get through these tough moments without getting lost in your emotions or reacting impulsively. The skills are all about learning to tolerate distress, not to fix or avoid it.
In this post, we’re diving deep into what DBT distress tolerance can teach you about navigating life’s toughest moments. Whether you're someone who's felt paralyzed by tough emotions or you just want to build more emotional resilience, this article is for you. Grab a cup of tea, and let’s explore how these skills can help you survive and thrive through your toughest times. 🍵✨
What Are Distress Tolerance Skills?
Let’s start with the basics. Distress tolerance is all about learning how to handle intense emotional situations without making things worse. It’s about being able to sit with uncomfortable feelings without letting them take control of your actions. Imagine you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming presentation at work. Your heart races, your thoughts spiral, and the urge to avoid it all becomes overwhelming. Distress tolerance helps you face these moments head-on and handle the discomfort with intention.
In DBT, these skills aren’t just about “getting through” a tough moment; they’re about doing it in a way that minimizes harm and helps you grow stronger. They are practical tools for when you’re in emotional overload and need a way to center yourself before making decisions.
Why Distress Tolerance Matters
You might be thinking, “Okay, but why do I need to tolerate distress? Isn’t the goal to avoid it altogether?” 🤔 Here’s the thing: Life happens. You can’t always control when stress hits. We all face moments when things don’t go according to plan. Whether it’s a fight with a loved one, unexpected news, or personal challenges, there are times when distress is inevitable.
Distress tolerance teaches you how to face those moments without spiraling. When we avoid distress, it often leads to more frustration, impulsivity, or unhealthy coping mechanisms. But when you tolerate distress, you learn how to keep your cool and make thoughtful decisions — even in the toughest moments.
Here’s why it matters:
- Reduces impulsive actions: When emotions are high, it’s easy to snap, say something hurtful, or make decisions that don’t serve us in the long run. Distress tolerance helps you pause and choose a healthier response.
- Helps you stay grounded: In a crisis, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and lose sight of reality. These skills help you stay present, which is key for managing emotional intensity.
- Builds emotional resilience: Think of distress tolerance like emotional weightlifting. The more you practice it, the stronger you become in handling tough moments with grace and clarity.
- Prevents harmful coping: Whether it’s drinking, self-harm, or withdrawing, many of us resort to harmful coping strategies when overwhelmed. Distress tolerance teaches you healthier ways to manage your emotions.
The Core Distress Tolerance Skills in DBT
Now that we’ve covered the importance of distress tolerance, let’s look at some practical skills DBT offers to help you get through those tough moments. These tools aren’t about making emotions disappear, but about helping you manage them in a healthy, productive way. Let’s break down some of the core DBT distress tolerance skills, using examples to make them more relatable.
1. ACCEPTS: A Handy Tool for Distracting Yourself
Ever found yourself so caught up in a moment of distress that it feels impossible to think about anything else? 😵 When emotions are running high, it’s easy to get stuck in a loop of overthinking. That’s where ACCEPTS comes in.
ACCEPTS is a grounding tool that stands for:
- Activities: Find something to do to keep your mind busy. Maybe you go for a walk, start a creative project, or play a game. Anything that engages you can help shift your focus. 🎮
- Contributing: Doing something kind for someone else can distract you from your own distress. It might be as simple as sending a thoughtful text or offering a listening ear to a friend. 💌
- Comparisons: In tough moments, try to compare your situation to something more intense. For example, if you’re stressed about an exam, remind yourself that there are people going through much harder challenges. 🌍
- Emotions: Try to create a different emotional state by watching a funny video or listening to uplifting music. 🎶 A good laugh can work wonders.
- Pushing Away: Mentally set the issue aside for a bit, almost like putting it in a box and closing the lid. You’re not ignoring it, just giving yourself a break. 🧳
- Thoughts: Focus your thoughts on something completely unrelated. Think about your favorite vacation spot or a book you’ve been wanting to read. 📚
- Sensations: Use physical sensations to distract yourself. Hold an ice cube, splash cold water on your face, or wrap yourself in a soft blanket. 🧊
The ACCEPTS method helps you momentarily distance yourself from overwhelming emotions so you can regain composure before diving back into the situation.
2. Self-Soothing: Finding Comfort in Your Senses
When stress is at its peak, sometimes the best thing you can do is give yourself comfort. Self-soothing involves using your five senses to calm your body and mind. It’s like giving yourself a mini mental reset. Here are some ways to practice self-soothing:
- Run a warm bath with lavender oils (smell and touch). 🛁
- Play soft music that brings you peace (sound). 🎧
- Look at a photo that makes you happy (sight). 🖼️
- Sip on your favorite hot drink (taste). ☕
- Cuddle up with a cozy blanket or pet (touch). 🐾
These small acts of self-care help regulate your emotional state and provide a sense of comfort when you need it most.
3. Improving the Moment: Making a Tough Situation More Bearable
When life feels hard, you can always take a moment to improve the situation even if you can’t change it. This skill is all about altering your mindset to make the moment more bearable. Some techniques include:
- Imagery: Picture a peaceful place where you feel calm and safe. Imagine yourself there, fully immersed in the sights, sounds, and smells. 🌅
- Meaning: Try to find meaning in your distress. For example, if you're feeling stressed about a big project, think of how completing it will help you grow or bring you closer to your goals. 🏆
- Prayer or Meditation: For some, connecting with a higher power or practicing mindfulness can bring comfort and perspective. 🧘♀️
- One Thing in the Moment: Focus your attention on just one thing in your environment — the sound of birds, a calming scent, or a favorite object — to bring yourself back to the present. 🌸
Improving the moment doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the pain; it just helps you manage your discomfort so it doesn’t overwhelm you.
4. Distraction: A Quick Mental Break
Sometimes, the best way to handle distress is to give yourself a brief mental break. It’s not about ignoring your feelings, but allowing yourself some space to regain your strength. You might:
- Watch a movie that makes you laugh. 🍿
- Take a quick walk in nature to clear your mind. 🌳
- Call a friend and talk about anything but the problem at hand. 📞
These short distractions can help you reset, so when you return to the situation, you’re more equipped to handle it.
5. IMPACT: Create Positive Impact to Break the Cycle
When you’re stuck in a loop of distress, one of the best ways to disrupt it is by creating a positive impact. This skill involves making a purposeful change that leads to a positive outcome, such as:
- Taking a small action that aligns with your values, like helping someone in need. 🌟
- Volunteering for a cause that makes you feel empowered and connected. 🤝
- Writing down a goal you want to achieve to remind yourself that you have the power to change your future. 📝
Creating positive impact is a powerful tool that reminds you of your agency and ability to influence your environment.
6. Willingness: Willingness to Be Present with Distress
In DBT, willingness is about accepting the uncomfortable moments, and facing them head-on, rather than avoiding them. When you’re willing to feel your emotions, rather than resist them, you start to regain control. It doesn’t mean you enjoy the discomfort, but it’s about allowing yourself to experience it with acceptance and without judgment.
For example, if you're feeling grief after a loss, being willing to experience sadness instead of pushing it away allows the grief to move through you, rather than keeping you stuck. 💔
7. Self-Validation: Acknowledging Your Feelings
Sometimes, the most important thing you can do when you're in distress is to validate your own feelings. Often, we think we should push emotions aside or judge ourselves for having them. But self-validation is about acknowledging that your feelings are real and understandable. Instead of minimizing what you're feeling, try saying to yourself: “It makes sense that I feel this way. I’m doing the best I can right now.” 💖
8. Opposite Action: Doing the Opposite of What Your Emotions Tell You
When intense emotions like anger, sadness, or fear arise, it’s easy to want to act on them right away. But sometimes, doing the opposite of what your emotions tell you can help you regain control and shift your emotional state. You might:
- When feeling angry, instead of snapping at someone, try taking a deep breath and responding calmly. 😌
- If you’re anxious about socializing, but want to isolate, make a choice to go to the event—even if it’s just for a short time. 🎉
- When feeling down, rather than retreating to bed, try doing something small and enjoyable, like listening to your favorite music or watching a funny video. 🎶
Opposite action can be powerful because it interrupts the cycle of negative emotions and helps you feel more in control of your behavior.
9. Thought Defusion: Letting Go of Unhelpful Thoughts
Sometimes, our thoughts can become overwhelming and start to dictate our emotions and actions. Thought defusion is about distancing yourself from those thoughts so they don't control you. You might:
- When having the thought “I’ll never get better,” remind yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’ll never get better,” and move forward with your day. 💭
- If you’re worried about an upcoming event, instead of spiraling into “What if I mess up?”, say, “I’m having the thought that I might mess up” and refocus on preparing calmly. 📚
- If you catch yourself thinking “I’m not good enough,” remind yourself that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. 🚫
This skill helps you realize that thoughts don’t define you. They come and go, and you have the power to let them pass without reacting.
10. Cope Ahead: Preparing for Future Distress
Cope ahead is a skill that helps you mentally prepare for stressful situations before they happen. This way, you’re not blindsided when things get tough. You might:
- Before a big meeting, visualize yourself staying calm and confident, even if unexpected questions arise. 💼
- If you know a difficult conversation is coming up, rehearse how you want to respond thoughtfully and remain grounded. 🗣️
- When you’re anticipating a stressful day, plan some small self-care actions throughout the day, like taking breaks or deep breathing. 🧘🏽
By thinking through the situation in advance and practicing coping strategies, you feel more equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
Building Your Distress Tolerance Toolkit
Distress tolerance skills aren’t about avoiding hard moments; they’re about equipping yourself with the tools to navigate through them without losing your sense of self. It’s not always easy, but every time you practice these skills, you’re strengthening your emotional resilience.
Life will throw tough moments your way, but with DBT distress tolerance skills, you’ll have the ability to handle them with more calm, clarity, and compassion for yourself. So next time you're overwhelmed, remember: you’ve got this. 🌟
At KMA Therapy, we believe you deserve support through life’s toughest moments — book your free 15-minute discovery call today and let’s find the tools that work for you.
