Why Technology Can Harm Your Relationships
Technology and social media are at the centre of the majority of our relationships and have certainly changed the way we communicate with one another.
We show interest by liking photos, keep people up to date with our daily activities through status updates and tweets, and do a large portion of our communication through texting, instant messages, and emails. While I can’t deny the value of technology (and am probably more dependent on it than I care to admit), it can also negatively impact relationships and weaken personal connections. Here are a few of the common problems that suggest sometimes it may be better to have a good old fashioned phone call.
Technology Can Limit Our Authenticity
Many people think that communicating through texting or email is great because it allows us to be the best version of ourselves. It’s easy to appear witty, charming, and intellectual when we have time to craft our messages and think about what it is we want to say. However, the problem is that we then lose the spontaneity of human interaction and our authentic selves. Face to face interaction can become challenging if we become used to the distance that can be created by technology. This can be particularly harmful at the beginning of relationships. Texting, for example, can be great for banter and flirting, but may also trick us into thinking that here is a real connection when in fact the chemistry is seriously lacking in person. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make the best impression on the people you interact with but you want to be able to maintain who you are from texting to talking in person. It’s important to present the real you rather than creating false impressions.
It can give the illusion of deeper connections
Many people have equated being in constant communication with a strong emotional connection. In some cases this may be true, but in many others the quality of the interactions is surface level and mundane. Texting frequently can certainly communicate interest in another person but may also be a symptom of boredom or attachment issues. As with most things in life it’s all about quality over quantity.
There is a lot of Room for Misinterpretation
Communication via text, instant message, or email can be great to get a quick message across but the lack of non-verbals and tone means that a lot can be left up to the interpretation of the receiver. We all know that “Hi.” Can read differently than “Hi!” and seemingly small details like that often cause a lot of anxiety and insecurity to the person reading the message. We are left to decode what is being said and often assign a tone or a meaning based on how we may be feeling which might not have been the intention of the other person. This creates room for conflict and hurt. If you find yourself constantly trying to decipher the messages from others, it may be helpful to simply pick up the phone and have a conversation.
Technology Creates the Expectation that we are Always Available
Cellphones and computers mean that the large majority of us are reachable all of the time. This creates a lot of pressure to actually be reachable all of the time and the expectation that we should be. The problem with this is two-fold. First of all, it is again breading grounds for insecurity and misinterpretation. If we send a message to someone and the response is not instant or relatively speedy, we sometimes start to ask questions – Why is she ignoring me? Did I do something wrong? Etc. We can also become frustrated. The second problem works in the opposite way. If we are attached to our phones and texting friends and loved ones all day long there may come a point where there is nothing much else to say. If my partner knows how all of my work meetings went, what I had for lunch, and the great workout I had, there won’t necessarily be a whole lot to talk about when we sit down for dinner. Sometimes it can be better to spare some details throughout the day, in order to make for more fruitful in-person connections.
Technology Allows us to be Selective with What we Attend to
Just like we can be crafty with the way we respond to messages, we can also be selective with what we attend to. It is a lot easier to ignore messages we don’t want to see or avoid confrontation when it’s coming at us digitally rather than in person. While this can be helpful at personal level in the short term it can also create a lot of frustration and resentment within relationships. Engaging in conflict or serious conversations via text or email can also feel safer given the perceived distance and illusion of anonymity but in reality it can create bigger problems while also devaluing a conversation that would be better served in person.
And the bottom line….
Technology has simplified our lives in ways we may have never thought possible. It is neither inherently bad nor good, however, the ways in which we choose to use it can be. It’s important to be mindful of the way we communicate with others and the impact it is having on your relationships. So, if you find yourself spending too much time planning out messages or feel distant from others despite being in constant communication, it may be time to pick up the phone or plan some face-to-face interaction in order to build stronger, deeper connections with the people in your life.
