Do You Have an Anxious Attachment Style? These Three Questions Will Let You Know
When you’re with your partner, everything feels great. They’re supportive, you make each other laugh, and you just understand each other.
But the second they walk out the door, you start to doubt things. Maybe they didn’t actually think your joke was funny. Maybe they were mad that you didn’t have a chance to tidy up the dishes.
We all have doubts in relationships, but an anxious attachment style can make you feel like you need to question everything.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re relationship experts with over 14 years of experiencing helping our clients thrive with their romantic partners. We’re here to help you identify and understand your attachment style and how it can influence your behaviours.
After reading this article, you’ll know whether you have an anxious attachment style and the next steps to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Three Signs You Have an Anxious Attachment Style
These three questions will help you explore if you might have an anxious attachment style, and explore what this might say about your relationship dynamics.
1. Do you make other people the centre of your world?
Question number one is: Do you really make other people the centre of your world?
You always find an excuse to put other people's needs ahead of your own. Are you really tired? Yes, but this person needs your help. Are you trying to save money? Yes, but this person really wants to go to a concert with you.
A key sign of an anxious attachment style is a strong desire to please other people and make sure you have their approval. If you have this attachment style, you might prioritize your partner’s needs and wishes above your own – even if this comes at the expense of your own happiness.
While this might seem selfless, over time it can lead to exhaustion and feel like you’re being taken for granted.
2. Are you hyper-aware of what could go wrong?
Question number two is: Are you hyper-aware of every tiny thing that could be going wrong in a relationship?
Do you see every tiny thing as an indicator of a potential crisis that could happen? You might really want to pull out these tiny things like you would pull out a thread in a sweater.
This can start off as something tiny, but you pull on it and pull on it until you enroll the entire sweater.
When you have an anxious attachment style, you might be hyper-vigilant about the dynamics at play in your relationship. It can be easy for you to overanalyze what your partner says, searching for potential signs they might be unhappy or signals the relationship could be in danger.
Attention to detail is absolutely a strength – but when you feel like you need to be hypersensitive to your partner’s every feeling, it can increase your anxiety and make minor problems seem like major issues.
This can lead to a lot of stress and tension in your relationship.
3. Is it really hard for you to be alone?
Question number three is: Do you find it almost physically impossible to be on your own?
A lot of people are just really extroverted and love spending their time around other people, but an anxious attachment style takes us to a whole other level.
You might find that you gravitate towards your partner so much that staying apart from them feels physically painful. Being away from them feels unnatural to you as trying to force two magnets apart.
A fear of being abandoned can be the root cause of this anxious attachment behaviour. You might feel like you rely on your partner for emotional support and validation.
The thought of being apart from your partner can bring up intense discomfort and anxiety – and can feel physically uncomfortable as well as emotionally distressing.
We all need love and support, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner to be there for you. But when you’re relying completely on someone else for your emotional well-being, it can prevent your personal growth and independence (and place a lot of pressure on your partner.)
Next Steps for Dealing with an Anxious Attachment
If you said yes to any of those questions, you are probably dealing with some anxious attachment tendencies.
Still, it’s important to remember that our attachment styles are often formed in early childhood – it’s not something you’ve done “wrong.”
But finding new strategies to cope with your anxious attachment style can help you feel more fulfilled in your relationships and support you in feeling more confident and independent.
Here at KMA Therapy, our passionate therapy team is here to help you step forward with confidence.
Fill out our Registration Form to connect with our team and learn more about how therapy can help you.
If you’d prefer to keep reading, check out these resources to learn more:
- 4 Ways to Cope with Anxious Attachment
- How to Date With an Anxious Attachment Style
- How Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationships?
Download our free Therapy 101 Guide for a comprehensive guide through the therapy process.
