Let Go Of Negativity... For Good!
How to do respond to bad news? Do you get angry at the person nearest to you? Do you snap at your colleagues for the rest of the week?
If you're like most people, your response to bad news breeds negativity for yourself, and those around you.
Imagine your ideal response to bad news. Would you take a deep breath? Would you thank the person who informed you of the news for having done so? What does your ideal reactivity look like to you?
Emotions are like waves – you have the crest of the wave representing the rising emotion you may feel, the peak of the wave which signifies the most intense feelings experienced, and the fall of the wave as it returns to its beginning state.
Similarly, our emotions rise up, and eventually fall away. This cycle in emotions is so natural and rhythmic, but we often feel that our emotional states are going to remain the same.
When we get angry, we often assume that our emotions towards the object of our anger will be constant and stable. As a result, we can say some nasty remarks to loved ones, make decisions we later regret, or harbour resentment for long periods of time. Imagine creating a dialogue with your emotions where you ACCEPT negativity with kindness, and welcome whatever internal responses you may have. You can do that by practicing these three acts the next time you feel negativity arising:
1. Let yourself FEEL your emotions:
When we get upset, we often try to distract ourselves with our smartphones, our tv, our computer, or a mundane task. The last things we want to do is sit with our emotion and see what happens. However, by sitting with your thoughts and feelings, you'll gain a better understanding of your response patterns and might be able to resolve the conflict more effectively and quickly. The next time that you find yourself upset, instead of distracting yourself, try sitting with your emotion. It's okay if you feel uncomfortable. It's okay if you cry. Practice FEELING your feelings.
2. Practice gratitude towards YOURSELF (as well as others):
Thank yourself for feeling your feelings. You don't have to be happy with the outcome of your emotions, but the first step to create a positive dialogue with yourself surrounding these acts. Expressing gratitude can boost your happiness tremendously. If you're feeling okay with this, you can go a step further and THANK the obstacles in your path for teaching you new skills and coping mechanisms. Dr. Martin Seligman, a leading researcher in the field of positive psychology, found that when people wrote and personally delivered letters thanking them for their kindness, they experienced a huge increase in happiness. This boost in positive emotion lasted for over a month. You can write these down, or say them in your head. Either way, a little bit of gratitude can go a long way.
3. Learn what triggers you:
Start an emotion-diary where at the end of each day, log what triggered any emotions. You can write about how you feel anger when you have to wait for the subway in the morning, or frustration from constantly being behind schedule. You can write about the joy you get from having a morning cup of coffee, or that one person in the office who you look forward to seeing each day. After a couple of weeks of logging your emotions, you'll be able to anticipate what you'll be feeling throughout the day. By anticipating your emotions, you can take the steps to mentally prepare for any potential negativity coming your way.
By opening yourself up to feeling your emotions, both the good ones and the bad, you start a lifelong journey of self-discovery, as well as new positive emotions. Remember to be kind to yourself and welcome negative emotions with kindness. They won't be around forever.
